Reflections of

Many years ago when I was an undergraduate in Texas, I went to a concert once in this really crappy warehouse. The plumbing was terrible and the venue was always too hot or too cold.

The concert was great, even though I don't remember which bands I saw that night. Maybe Ratatat? They weren't the headliner, though. But I had a good time, either way.

Anyway, in the middle of the show the guys in the band (maybe it was Need New Body?) had the whole crowd sing this song and it was really an amazing experience. I never forgot it.

 "Where is the moon when the moon is new? It's a sliver to the right getting bigger every night.

Where is the moon when the moon is round? Rising as the sun is going down. 

Where is the moon when the moon is waning? It's a sliver to the left 'til there's no moon remaining."

I officially start classes for graduate school tomorrow, and here I am, up in the middle of the night, thinking about the moon.  

Christo-what?

I do not identify as Christo-Pagan. In my experience I’m too Christian for the Pagans (this always cracks me up) and I’m way too Pagan for the Christians (not surprising, but disappointing.) 

But, I do identify with those who want to have a relationship with Christ, or those who love aspects of Christianity, church and the bible. My heart breaks with theirs, though, when they go seeking something beyond orthodox and traditional ideas of Christianity and/or Paganism and are only met with rejection and ridicule from other religious communities.

Christianity and Paganism are completely compatible, and there’s no reason that the Christians and the Pagans (and everyone else, for that matter) can’t get together for a meal, a beer, community and prayer.

Christianity has its roots not only in Judaism (which has a rich mystic tradition) but Mediterranean and Egyptian mystery cults. Sure, a literalist interpretation of Christianity has been going strong for two thousand years, but that does not mean that this tradition is void of mysticism or even Paganism - far from it! My advice to those who think that Christianity and Paganism are incompatible – read some history.

Try to understand who the God of the bible is, read his words closely and think about the motives of his commandments. Think about what this would mean to people two thousand years ago, one thousand years ago, and now. Learn the history and the politics of the world two thousand years ago.

Look at the formation of the Catholic church, per-Constantine. Read about the life of Jesus, and then read about the Christ. (Yes, they are different.) Study the creation of the bible as we have it today. Read the Nag Hammadi, the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Gnostic texts and those other books that were left out of the bible, and study why they were left out of the bible.

Study Judaism, in particular the mystical traditions, the Kabbalah, and the elements of Goddess worship. Read the Old Testament. Read Plato and Neo-Platonist writers, and read The Golden Ass and the Homeric Hymns. Study Egyptian and Hellenistic mystery traditions and life/death cults.

Christianity and Paganism have been growing side-by-side for over two thousand years. This relationship has been… well, you know how it’s been. But it’s still there. After two thousand years of human civilization, you literally cannot separate Christianity from Paganism, or Paganism from Christianity. Sure, we can try, but two thousand years of tradition is hard to deny.

Even if you practice what you consider to be pre-Christian traditions, we’re in a post-Christian world looking at things with Post-Christian eyes. The influence is there. Now, I’m not saying every single Pagan practice is Christian, or that every single Christian practice is Pagan. I’m saying that nothing exists in a vacuum, and these things influence and inspire one another.

But, in the end, it doesn’t matter if you’re Christian or Pagan (or anything else!) If you’re Christian, be Christian. If you’re Pagan, be Pagan. And if you’re neither or both, then, by all means, follow your heart and intuition and worship in the way that works best for you.

It doesn’t matter, really. Just don’t make blanket statements or pre-emptive judgment calls. Read, think, learn, pray. Stop hating and judging. It’s okay if a witch prays to Jesus. It’s okay if a Christian performs a spell. There are no real contradictions - not after you study and build a frame of reference and a context.

And if you happen to find stuff that seems contradictory, well, that’s life and that’s okay, too. We’re modern people trying to interpret an ancient world, trying to put together pieces of a huge puzzle we’ll never really understand.

Life is full of contradictions, why should religion be exempt? That’s just part of the fun, fulfillment and magic.

Who whooo is super awesome?

My Mutti and New Mexico family surprised me with a "welcome to grad school!" present this weekend, a ceramic scentsy owl. Everyone in NM has scentsy all over their houses, and I fell in love with these super cute, super efficient air fresheners. They heat scented wax at a very low temperature, which makes it safe for pets and children. You can also keep them on 24/7 because they don't get too hot, and they work great as a night light.

Mutti sent me some of her favorite scent, and the cactus reminds me of her and the desert. And of course, mine is an owl!

The timing couldn't have been better, because I had orientation this weekend! I still have trouble really wrapping my mind around the fact that I'm going to grad school. I'm a grad student!

Sometimes I'd stop and think about it, and I'd smile. I really did it! I got into graduate school! It really wasn't too long ago that I was having cocktails with my good friend, and we were both talking about our hopes and dreams, and she helped give me a lot of direction on what I wanted to do, really wanted to do. And soon I found myself looking at schools and programs, talking to Steve, and then I told my friends and then my boss. "I'm applying for graduate schools."

When I think about last fall, I think about freaking out about the GRE. When I think about last winter I think about getting letters of recommendation ready, paying for transcripts, filling out resumes, and five billion other little details that made applying for school incredibly difficult.

And when I think about last spring, I think about waiting. Waiting and waiting. I think about checking my emails ten thousand times a day, looking at graduate school message boards, finding excuses to go into the office at work as often as I could to look at my inbox. Waiting for that letter of acceptance. The joy and disbelief upon receiving such said letter.

Finally, it's the summer, and my summer has been consumed with... nothing. Reading, traveling, resting. It's been quite wonderful, this strange transition time. I've been out of sorts, a little anxious and lethargic, but that's the way of these things, misty and hazy.

In the meantime I've been telling people who ask about grad school "I'll believe it when I'm actually there."

And then, this Saturday, I was there. Well, almost. It was only orientation, but I was still in a classroom with my soon-to-be-peers, and my professors, at a desk. In a school.

I was so happy I almost started crying.

Lammas article!

My latest article, this time as a guest columnist for a religious publication in Spokane.

"Everyone tries to squeeze in one last vacation, one last trip to the mountains, one last trip to the beach, one last hotdog, one last camping trip, one last barbeque."

http://spokanefavs.com/culture/social-issues/pagans-celebrate-harvest-season


Blessed Lammas!

Brave! not Scottish Mulan

I made Steve take me to go see Brave today, and we both liked it well enough. I don't really care for Disney movies anymore. The last one I remember liking was Finding Nemo, I think. Anyway, I wanted to see Brave because the main character, Merida, looked interesting enough, I had no idea what the story was about, and I needed something to do this afternoon.

Brave is not Scottish Mulan, even though she does shoot a bow and arrow and can fight. Actually, I thought the previews didn't reveal much about the story. I had no idea it was a mother/daughter story. What a surprise! A fairy tale where the mom wasn't dead or evil! 

While the plot revolves hugely around the institution of marriage like many Disney films, it didn't bother me. Too much. When she says she wants to follow her heart, her male suitors say the same! "But we didn't choose her, either!"

And while we're on the subject, check out my author friend's blog! Her review of Brave is much nicer than mine, but then again, she's much more likeable than I am!

true story

From Post Secret on Sunday July 28 -

Well, I don't yet know what to do, anyway. But I'm afraid this Post Secret will be mine in a few years! Doh!

archetype: Priestess

While standing around, waiting for ritual to start tonight, I went on a little rant about my recent trip to New Mexico. Last time I was home I facilitated a little ritual for some friends and family while we were out camping, and I was surprised that nearly five years later, they still remembered it. I was even more surprised that they wanted me to facilitate another ritual for the group.

Sometimes I'm amazed at the leadership role I've come into over the years.

Wait, let me explain! I'm not amazed that I take on leadership roles. Let's be realistic. I'm an Aries and the firstborn child out of a large family. It's easy for me to decide to be leader. But what I'm surprised at is this particular role, the role of priestess and minister.

I'm amazed that people trust me so much! I personally don't ritual with just anyone, and I'm pretty critical of ministers and clergy because people in this role have the potential to inflict so much damage. It's a sacred honor, and it should not be taken lightly.

So, when my family asked me to do another ritual, I was excited but nervous. Me? Why me? And I felt as if they had high expectations. I wanted to "wow" them, sure, and show off a bit. But I also wanted them to have a positive and healing experience.

One friend said "well, you write good rituals!" which came as a shock to me because I feel like I have such a hard time writing rituals, though facilitating rituals has gotten much easier over the years. (but I still get pre-show jitters!) and another friend said "well, welcome to the role of priestess."

Because being a priestess isn't just writing rituals. It's not just having a script and getting enough people together at the right time (ha!) to cast circle. It's a role where I am not myself. I'm speaking for Deity. I'm acting on behalf of the Cosmos. I have to be aware of the circle and the participants and time and space and myself. It's reading people and energy and keeping a flow, as well a balance of energy and emotions.

I haven't been doing this priestess thing for very long, not really. But I'm becoming more and more aware of it, being a priestess in both service to God/dess and to those who are in need. So me doing a ritual for my friends and family wasn't just Amanda hanging out in Tracy's backyard. It was a Priestess providing a service for the community, and I hope I was able to do so.

I hope I did them proud, not just Mutti and her friends and my sisters, but God and Goddess, too, and to all of the spirits, seen and unseen, who helped that night.