While standing around, waiting for ritual to start tonight, I went on a little rant about my recent trip to New Mexico. Last time I was home I facilitated a little ritual for some friends and family while we were out camping, and I was surprised that nearly five years later, they still remembered it. I was even more surprised that they wanted me to facilitate another ritual for the group.
Sometimes I'm amazed at the leadership role I've come into over the years.
Wait, let me explain! I'm not amazed that I take on leadership roles. Let's be realistic. I'm an Aries and the firstborn child out of a large family. It's easy for me to decide to be leader. But what I'm surprised at is this particular role, the role of priestess and minister.
I'm amazed that people trust me so much! I personally don't ritual with just anyone, and I'm pretty critical of ministers and clergy because people in this role have the potential to inflict so much damage. It's a sacred honor, and it should not be taken lightly.
So, when my family asked me to do another ritual, I was excited but nervous. Me? Why me? And I felt as if they had high expectations. I wanted to "wow" them, sure, and show off a bit. But I also wanted them to have a positive and healing experience.
One friend said "well, you write good rituals!" which came as a shock to me because I feel like I have such a hard time writing rituals, though facilitating rituals has gotten much easier over the years. (but I still get pre-show jitters!) and another friend said "well, welcome to the role of priestess."
Because being a priestess isn't just writing rituals. It's not just having a script and getting enough people together at the right time (ha!) to cast circle. It's a role where I am not myself. I'm speaking for Deity. I'm acting on behalf of the Cosmos. I have to be aware of the circle and the participants and time and space and myself. It's reading people and energy and keeping a flow, as well a balance of energy and emotions.
I haven't been doing this priestess thing for very long, not really. But I'm becoming more and more aware of it, being a priestess in both service to God/dess and to those who are in need. So me doing a ritual for my friends and family wasn't just Amanda hanging out in Tracy's backyard. It was a Priestess providing a service for the community, and I hope I was able to do so.
I hope I did them proud, not just Mutti and her friends and my sisters, but God and Goddess, too, and to all of the spirits, seen and unseen, who helped that night.