25 January 2013

Stone Cold Crazy



Pagan Blog Project - Week Four - B #2 – Baubo

"The older one grows, the more one likes indecency." ~Virginia Woolf 
(shared by Ms. Pulstar)

How cool is Baubo? In the Homeric Hymn to Demeter it is recounted that Demeter is wandering the earth in anguish over the loss of her daughter. She eventually starts loitering outside of Eleusis, where she will eventually inspire life-altering mysteries that will change the face of the ancient (and our modern!) world. But in the meantime, she’s just kind of being sad and angry and very helpless, until Baubo/Iambe makes her laugh and then she kind of perks up a little. 

"Unsmiling, tasting neither food nor drink, she sat wasting with desire for her deep-girt daughter, until knowing Iambe jested with her and mocking with many a joke moved the holy goddess to smile and laugh and keep a gracious heart - Iambe, who later pleased her moods as well."  

from tumblr
I’ve read accounts of Baubo being nothing more than a walking vagina. Or maybe she’s a nursemaid who lifts her skirts. Either way, it’s the act of raunchy old lady humor that finally wakes Demeter up from her slump (kind of. She’s still sad even after she gets a good laugh at Baubo’s vagina humor.)

Which I think is important. So many people like to pretend that men are just big dorks who laugh at dick and fart jokes, but to be honest, a good number of my lady friends are farting, burping, “that’s what she said” machines, too. This notion that women aren’t raunchy, sexual creatures is just silly. It’s never been true. Women have always been dirty, sexual beings. Even the ancient Greeks knew this to be true.

Women’s vagina humor is important, too. As much as I’m all for gender equality, I think it’s important for men to be with men sometimes, and women to be with women sometimes. There’s something about going out to a girl’s lunch, or drinking cocktails with the ladies, that is very therapeutic. (We’ve even talked about this a bit in social work school, too.)

Baubo in Anatolia
I’m a pretty raunchy person in real life and rarely withhold my liberal views on sexuality, but when I started social work school I was still adjusting when to hold back and when to give in, and the result is that I spent a few months where I was incredibly stifled. But we had a girl’s night and I drank a bottle of white wine (which shows how desperate I was, I usually go for red) and we talked about butt sex and our periods and bondage and Fifty Shades of Grey and how everyone thinks I have wild crazy sex all the time and how important it is to masturbate. All of these things are actually very important discussion to share about sexual health, but they aren’t easy conversations to have. But in a room full of women we swore like sailors and blushed like virgins and howled with Baubo’s laughter. And yeah, I'm still anxious about class, and one friend is still struggling with communication with her partner, and another still doesn’t know how she feels about anal sex, and another isn’t even sure if she likes sex, but the night and the jokes and the wine were still healing, therapeutic, and fun. It was most importantly fun.

As my husband said, “she loosens up a tense situation by showing her goodies to everyone and it’s really funny because she’s old? Actually, I don’t really get it but whatever; it made them laugh, right?”

And that’s the gift of Baubo. Sure, Demeter still misses her daughter and humans are probably going to starve to death and the gods are probably going to die from neglect, but there’s nothing that’s not funny about a vagina walking around on two legs. And there’s nothing wrong with women (AND MEN!) of any age to have a nice long laugh about sex, because let’s be honest, sex is pretty weird, and we really need a reason, any reason, to laugh.

23 January 2013

The Hero



Last night I had a Doctor Who/Social Worker dream. 

I’m a huge fan of Doctor Who. I love the charm. I love the cheesy adventures (some of them.) I like a lot of the music, and many of the companions, the complex storylines, the epic hero cycle, the history of the television show itself… Doctor Who, what’s not to love?

Occasionally I have Doctor Who dreams, and they’re some of my most favorite dreams to have. Last night I dreamt I was a school social worker and monsters were eating the children. Through a complex turn of events, the Doctor (David Tennant) and Shadow Doctor from the TARDIS Past (Christopher Eccleston, and no, this is not a real Doctor Who thing, my dreaming mind made it up because Eccleston is my favorite Doctor) came and with their sonic screwdrivers, they zapped some library book shelves, got some monster aliens, and saved the day and the children and I was a very happy social worker indeed. 

But as the dream kept on going, I realized that my hand would turn blue every time it came close to Timelord technology, which could be found, surprisingly, in many places. And then the Doctor told me that it was because I had Timelord blood in me, too, which was why I aged so well and was so very clever. (ha!)

Upon waking, I stayed in bed with my warm blankets and pillows and cats and dog, reluctant to wake up and study and do flash cards and do my time sheets and go to my internship and think about discussion board questions and contemplate research questions and send my report for my prison visitation and all of these things. Wouldn’t I much rather stay in my warm bed and think about my adventures with the Good Doctor?

My social work adventures with the good Doctor? Where I have seemingly magical powers that help me be clever and defeat evil? Where I can save children and save the day and do all of those things I’d never, ever do in my own life? Because being a school social worker is hard, and honestly, I’m not very interested in that type of work. That’s like, social justice advocacy stuff, and I feel like I’m really not cut out for something intense and, well, hard, like being a school social worker. 

But if I were a Timelord, would it be different? There’s an internet game that goes around where you pick what type of Timelord you’d be. The closest item of clothing to you right now would be your signature item (mine is an old gray grandpa sweater), the last person to text you is your companion (mine is a spam text asking to me by girlfriend), and your job is your name. I’m a student right now, and being called the Student as a Timelord sounds like it has quirky potential. But in a few years it will be a Social Worker. 

The Social Worker.

Oh, here comes the Social Worker! She’s gonna manage all of our caseloads and advocate for client rights and say stuff like “how does that make you feel?” and “do you want to talk about it?” and “oh, that must be very hard for you” and “thank you for taking that risk. That was very brave.” 

The Social Worker.

And so I’ve been thinking about that all morning. How in my dream, with the Doctor, I was very brave. I wasn’t just brave fighting off monsters, but being a school social worker is a brave job, too. And I realize that I’ve been talking about certain types of social work like it’s not “for me” because I’m not very brave, and so many jobs in social work need brave people.

The juvenile justice track at my school? Oh no. I’m not cut out for that. That’s for those other people, not me. Working in a drug rehabilitation center? That’s for those other people. I’m not cut out for that. I’m not strong enough to work in a prison, and I’m not talented enough to work with people with schizophrenia. All I want is my nice clean private practice with nice quiet people who have something like depression or anxiety. Depression and anxiety? Those are monsters I can defeat. Anything more than that, like, a borderline personality disorder, well, that’s a monster I might need the Doctor to help me with. 

But in my dream, my hands turned blue when I came in contact with Timelord technology, and that was because I had a little bit of Timelord blood in me. And because of this, I was able to fight off monsters, too. I was able to work in something really really really hard like school social work. I could do it. In my dreams I could fight the big monsters. 

So maybe, just maybe, I do have a little bit of Timelord blood in me. And while I hope my hands don’t start turning blue, I hope I am able to use that strength and cleverness, the wisdom of the Timelords. Maybe I’m stronger than I think I am, and maybe I can fight even the biggest, scariest monsters. I don't want to be a hero, but I want to do a good job. I want to be an effective, meaningful, useful, competent person in whatever I'm doing.

The Social Worker! (in her ugly gray sweater)

18 January 2013

Don't Lose Your Head


Pagan Blog Project - Week Three - B #1 – The Bible

It’s been a while since I’ve “stirred by cauldron” as my friend V likes to say, so let’s talk about the bible.

officially canon
A few years ago I decided to read the bible. I read it for a few different reasons. Western culture is Judeo-Christian, and I wanted to understand that mind-set. I wanted to understand the origins of my contemporary American society. I wanted to understand references made in literature. I think it’s worthwhile to read religious texts from many traditions. I wanted to know what the fuss was about. I wanted to read the bible before I read Gnostic texts. I wanted to have a few things to say when confronted with pushy Christians, but also to be able to carry a conversation with loving Christians, too. I also wanted to say “I did this!” and to be able to brag about it, because seriously, how many people actually read the bible?

So I read it, front to back. It took me a year to read the Old Testament, and a year to read the New Testament.

The Old Testament was often strange, confusing, and aggravating. Reading it was like scrying – you kind of let your mind go blurry and hope you get a clear picture when you’re finished. It was great to have context for the stories I was taught in Sunday school. There’s also a lot in there that we were never taught, mainly the racy stuff like incest, murder, two creation stories, trickery, etc. There’s also a lot of names. And a lot of laws. But there are beautiful poems, too, and prayers, and references to the Goddess here and there, if you know where to look. I particularly like the prayers to Sophia/Wisdom.

13 Blessed are those who find wisdom,      
those who gain understanding,
14 for she is more profitable than silver     
and yields better returns than gold.
15 She is more precious than rubies;     
nothing you desire can compare with her.
16 Long life is in her right hand;     
in her left hand are riches and honor.
17 Her ways are pleasant ways,     
and all her paths are peace.
18 She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her;     
those who hold her fast will be blessed.
(Proverbs 3:13-18)

remind you of anyone?
The New Testament took me as long as the Old Testament, despite how short it is in comparison. I think it took me so long because to me it was so much interesting and useful. Not to say I loved every moment (there’s some great sexism and woman hating in both the Old and New Testaments) but I really like Jesus. What a great dude. I really liked reading about him, because he was genuinely nice and loving and caring and inspired.

Other characters are pretty cool, too. Like Mary and other Mary. Crazy-ass John the Baptist. The Romans and the Devil. I even liked the Apostles sometimes, too, even though I get the Peters mixed up with the Pauls, and I can’t remember the other guys.

It also helped that my husband is a Classicist, so when I’d have a question about a word or a passage, he could take out his Greek New Testament and lexicon and we’d have great discussions about translations and interpretations and those moments are always enjoyable for both of us.

Also, as someone who is deeply interested in Gnosticism and Mediterranean mystery traditions, the New Testament was just more interesting to me. It mentions knowing/gnosis and logos and the word  a lot, which is relevant to my interests. I was interested in the very mundane parables of the bible, as well as the hints at mystery and esoteric wisdom Jesus tries to share with his followers. So, I think since I was more interested in the New Testament, it took me longer because I was paying more attention, whereas the Old Testament was pretty much one big confusing blur.

this is how I imagine it happened
I’m pretty satisfied with my decision to read the bible. I’m very glad I did it. I probably won’t do it again, at least not until I’m done reading the Nag Hammadi and the Dead Sea Scrolls, which are more meaningful and interesting to me personally, anyway.  And I do understand bible references more, but not all the time because there are a whole lot of them. Pretty much all of those things I hoped to accomplish were accomplished, which is more than I can say about other areas in my life.

And no, reading the bible did not convert me back to Christianity. I’m still Pagan, though I’m at a stage in my life when I have reconciled my Christian upbringing, I’m not angry at (most) Christians anymore, and I even forgave Jesus. These were all important steps in the maturity of my spiritual self, and I can honestly say I’m a much happier person than I was when I was confused and angry about Christianity. Though I realize that not all Pagans are okay with the concept of accepting Christianity, that’s their business just as reading the bible that one time is my business. As Brothers Freke and Gandy remind us, it’s not always wise to throw away the baby with the bathwater.  Sure, there’s a lot of shocking and strange and horrible stuff in the bible, but the same can be said for other myths and stories, too. And just as other myths can be lovely, there’s a lot of beautiful stuff in Christian myths, too. And if one can get past all of that nasty, annoying literalism, the bible has some pretty decent stories, allegories, parables, metaphors, archetypes and all sorts of other useful things in it. It is a holy text, after all.

Though honestly, I’d probably recommend that people just skip the bible and go straight to the Gospel of Thomas, because that’s where all the good stuff is anyway!

11 January 2013

Action This Day

Pagan Blog Project - Week Two - A #2 - Athena

I've always loved Athena, but I have only recently started "working" with her. When reading my favorite and first book on mythology in middle school, Athena's story was one I never forgot. (The other being Hermes, but that's another post.) I loved how bad-ass and military she was. I loved her spear, shield, and helmet. I loved her gloriously being born from Zeus' head. I loved that she wasn't like other women and goddesses. I wrote a small short story on her in high school, "A Day in the Life of..." and I wrote about Athena, focusing not on her aspect of a warrior goddess, but on her aspect of wisdom and protection.

As an adult Pagan, I never "worked" with Athena. No devotions or altars or rituals or anything. All of the things I used to admire about her in my youth had become things I'd rejected in my adulthood. To be honest, I've known too many fluff-bunnies who worked with her, who thought she was so cool and bad-ass (which she is, to be fair.)  And the contrary sour-puss I am, I've always resisted working with the "popular" deities and instead tend to gravitate towards those who are cool but not over-played, unique, but not obscure.

So basically, I'm a hipster and Athena was too mainstream, so I never worked with her because I'm too-cool-for-school. (not to mention the weird feelings I have about Athena and feminism and her being a daddy's girl and enforcing the patriarchy and all of that other stuff...)

But I had a tarot card reading recently and it was recommended that I start paying attention to certain deities, and Athena, being included in the list, just fit. Much to my surprise.

Athena is a goddess of wisdom, and I like wisdom, and I need it as I work my way through grad school. She is a goddess of courage, and boy do I need courage because these classes are hard. She inspires, and I could sure use some inspiration in my life right now. She is a patron of civilization, and as I'm becoming a social worker and working with society, her aspects of fostering a fair civilization seem to work, right? Especially when paired with law and justice, because as a social worker I'll be working towards those things as well. And while she is a goddess of "just warfare", and even though I'm a pacifist, well, my battlefield can be the mean-streets of Durham, and my spear, helmet, and shield can be my master's degree and the knowledge gained and the wisdom earned through school. As she's a patroness of mathematics, well... I'd like to not fail my statistics classes so I can use all the help I can get, there. I can use her strength and strategy and cunning as I try to adjust to my new life. And she fosters the arts and I like art, too, and I'd like to keep on writing (my art) even though I'm a social worker now. And oh boy, how am I going to pull this off without a little bit of style and finesse, if not with some help from the goddess of skill herself?

Of course Athena isn't only those things. She's much more, and we all are, and that's a lesson to be learned, too. So I think about her stories and what she can teach me as a woman, a student, and someone who fights for social justice. I try to learn from her examples of both success and failure, because as I enter into this new stage of my life, I'm met with both success and failure as well. And that whole Orestes thing, well, that just reminds me to look past the surface and understand why people the way they are, that we are all products of our environment, and yes, Athena was/is, too.

I was chatting with a good friend and told her about my epic tarot card reading, mentioning the gods I'd be working with through grad school, including Athena. She said "you mean you don't work with Athena already?" and I thought "what? no way!" My friend looked around my house, at all of the owls tucked away in every corner, my stack of women's studies, post colonial, gender theory, social justice books dominating one book shelf, not to mention more owls, owls and owls, and she said "well, I just thought with the whole owl thing..."

But my friend was totally right. Working with Athena has been a really good, meaningful, and obvious fit. Though I haven't worked with her intentionally until recently, Athena has always been with me. She has been with me since I picked up that myth book, and even before. She's been with me through high school and college, into adulthood, through my marriage and as a writer and a coffee shop manager. And Athena is with me especially now, when I have something to give her and she has something to give me. When both of us are finally and intentionally good for one another.

(Even if working with her might be a little mainstream fluffy Pagan!)

08 January 2013

Breaktru

Pagan Blog Project - Week Two - A #2 - my introduction

As a way to punish reward myself as I begin my second semester of graduate school, I've decided to attempt the Pagan Blog Project this year. Though I've done a lot of blogging in my life, I've never really had a Pagan blog before, not really. And this isn't officially a Pagan Blog, but I'm a Pagan and this is my blog, so I guess it will have to do. Many of my friends have worked with the Pagan Blog Project in the past, so thanks goes out to them for the inspiration and example.

I'll be trying to update every Friday, a new topic each week, as I work through the alphabet and Pagan-related topics. Considering that this blog has sat pretty much untouched since last fall, it seems like a worthy attempt and like it won't really hurt anything. The least that can happen is that this blog continues to sit, unused and only slightly loved. The most that can happen is that the Pagan Blog Project keeps me writing, which is always a good thing.


In the meantime, it's 2013! What projects are you working on? What projects are you avoiding? What projects have you dropped, and which ones do you want to pick up?