Mother Love

PaganBlog Project - Week Ten - E #2 – Eating

“Of Gaia we sing… 

Queen and goddess, we invoke you:

 you are all-powerful and our needs are so small.”

I recently had the honor of partaking in a very beautiful, holistic ritual with some lovely ladies who really mean a lot to me. A lot of us are working through the book The Goddess Path by Patricia Monaghan. Our first meeting and ritual was focused on Gaia, and we discussed the concepts of abundance, guilt, and love. We also talked a lot about food. How else could we devote a ritual to Gaia without talking about and partaking in food?

We shared our stories of food over a delicious meal. We talked about our obsessions and apathy regarding food, of giving too much and having too little. We discussed our desires for more, our guilt at having too much, the mixed messages we receive in regards to “just enough.” We talked about how our childhood relationships with food and eating have shaped our adult perceptions, for better or for worse.

And what I learned is that our relationship with food and eating is incredibly, stupidly complicated.

Because fat women can’t eat certain types of food without being judged.

And skinny women can’t eat certain types of food without being judged.

And when I order a steak and my husband orders a salad, they always try to give me his salad.

And organic and local food is so much more expensive than the “bad” stuff.

And being sustainable is not really affordable.

And what’s wrong with being fat, anyway?

And so on and so forth… etc etc etc

But eating is really important., not just because of the obvious reasons. It goes deeper than that.

We didn’t just meet for a ritual, but for a meal. When we meet with our friends it often has a meal component. Sharing our food and meals and eating together is a very primal ritual. I’m pretty convinced that sharing of food and community eating is probably the first ritual.

Think about it – you’re a cave-person. You’re hungry most of the time because food is hard to find. You’ll probably eat pretty much anything – plants, animals, nuts, bugs, etc. So, if you’re not hungry, you’re doing pretty well. Like, if you’re not starving, you know you’ve won at life, and that means a lot. And if you have enough food to share with your family and friends, well, that’s just awesome. Because if you have enough food to share, then you must be rich. And maybe you think the gods are the reason that you’re doing so well, so you hunt and kill that wooly mammoth and then you share it with your village and then you set aside some meat for the gods because why not? And maybe you share some with your neighbors, too, and maybe they start thinking that your gods are pretty great so maybe they’ll leave some offerings out for your gods, and isn’t it just great to get together for these celebrations? Maybe we should do it again next year. Maybe add some dancing or drumming or something.

Because if you like someone enough to feed them, that’s a huge gesture of trust. You’re taking food from your own body, literally. Because there were times in our human history when there wasn’t enough food to go around to feed everyone. So if you have extra food and you give it to someone, then you must be the greatest person ever. You trust them enough to give them your hard earned food, and you do it trusting that one day they might feed you, too.

So that’s why I think the rituals of communion and breaking bread were the first human rituals, and probably the most important. In this ritual context, food is joy, health, prosperity, trust, thankfulness, and love.

In our modern world we think we’re removed from that, but we’re not. Maybe we don’t think we’re honoring the gods when we go out with our girlfriends for sushi, but I like them well enough to share my dumplings with them, and that means a lot because dumplings are pretty awesome. I have enough abundance in dumplings to share with those ladies, and I love them so I’m going to show them that I love them by giving them some of my food.

And sometimes we love God so much we want to give God our food, too. And sometimes the food is the God, but that really isn’t as complicated as it might seem. Isn’t it great how Jesus can be the vine, the wine, the flesh, the blood, and the son of God, all at the same time?

Once the Gaia ritual was over I had eaten a whole plate of food plus two homemade cranberry scones and a pile of homemade jam, despite the fact that I have been trying to swear off carbs and sugar, which is everywhere and like, impossible to do. In our modern world our abundance is actually hurting us, and we’re still trying to figure out what that means. But I think Gaia, who is as big and fat as the earth itself, reminds us that abundance, true abundance, can be had without guilt.

Abundance is where we can eat well and be healthy. Where we can be sustainable and afford it, too. Where we can eat, drink, and be merry before we die. Where we can share wine to both Odin and Loki. Where we can eat a pomegranate and see the cosmos within. Where we can share delicious food and wonderful stories. Where we can have a ritual and a meal. Where food is both tasty and nourishing. Where we can be as fat or a skinny as we want. Where we learn from our mixed messages and mixed feelings. Where we are overflowing, our cups runneth over. When we don’t have guilt over how much we have.

Abundance is where we can honor ourselves, one another, and Deity. We truly have so much love to share and so many ways to share it. And we deserve that abundance.

Stone Cold Crazy

Pagan Blog Project - Week Four - B #2 – Baubo

"The older one grows, the more one likes indecency." ~Virginia Woolf 

(shared by Ms. Pulstar)

How cool is Baubo? In the Homeric Hymn to Demeter it is recounted that Demeter is wandering the earth in anguish over the loss of her daughter. She eventually starts loitering outside of Eleusis, where she will eventually inspire life-altering mysteries that will change the face of the ancient (and our modern!) world. But in the meantime, she’s just kind of being sad and angry and very helpless, until Baubo/Iambe makes her laugh and then she kind of perks up a little. 

"Unsmiling, tasting neither food nor drink, she sat wasting with desire for her deep-girt daughter, until knowing Iambe jested with her and mocking with many a joke moved the holy goddess to smile and laugh and keep a gracious heart - Iambe, who later pleased her moods as well."  

~ The Homeric Hymn to Demeter

from tumblr

I’ve read accounts of Baubo being nothing more than a walking vagina. Or maybe she’s a nursemaid who lifts her skirts. Either way, it’s the act of raunchy old lady humor that finally wakes Demeter up from her slump (kind of. She’s still sad even after she gets a good laugh at Baubo’s vagina humor.)

Which I think is important. So many people like to pretend that men are just big dorks who laugh at dick and fart jokes, but to be honest, a good number of my lady friends are farting, burping, “that’s what she said” machines, too. This notion that women aren’t raunchy, sexual creatures is just silly. It’s never been true. Women have always been dirty, sexual beings. Even the ancient Greeks knew this to be true.

Women’s vagina humor is important, too. As much as I’m all for gender equality, I think it’s important for men to be with men sometimes, and women to be with women sometimes. There’s something about going out to a girl’s lunch, or drinking cocktails with the ladies, that is very therapeutic. (We’ve even talked about this a bit in social work school, too.)

Baubo in Anatolia

I’m a pretty raunchy person in real life and rarely withhold my liberal views on sexuality, but when I started social work school I was still adjusting when to hold back and when to give in, and the result is that I spent a few months where I was incredibly stifled. But we had a girl’s night and I drank a bottle of white wine (which shows how desperate I was, I usually go for red) and we talked about butt sex and our periods and bondage and Fifty Shades of Grey and how everyone thinks I have wild crazy sex all the time and how important it is to masturbate. All of these things are actually very important discussion to share about sexual health, but they aren’t easy conversations to have. But in a room full of women we swore like sailors and blushed like virgins and howled with Baubo’s laughter. And yeah, I'm still anxious about class, and one friend is still struggling with communication with her partner, and another still doesn’t know how she feels about anal sex, and another isn’t even sure if she likes sex, but the night and the jokes and the wine were still healing, therapeutic, and fun. It was most importantly fun.

As my husband said, “she loosens up a tense situation by showing her goodies to everyone and it’s really funny because she’s old? Actually, I don’t really get it but whatever; it made them laugh, right?”

And that’s the gift of Baubo. Sure, Demeter still misses her daughter and humans are probably going to starve to death and the gods are probably going to die from neglect, but there’s nothing that’s not funny about a vagina walking around on two legs. And there’s nothing wrong with women (AND MEN!) of any age to have a nice long laugh about sex, because let’s be honest, sex is pretty weird, and we really need a reason, any reason, to laugh.

One Vision

Have you seen the Daily Show for Wednesday, November 14? Stewart pointed out one of the ways that conservatives are trying to analyze and discuss the election. It seems that more married women voted for Romney, and more single women voted for Obama.

The language used in this discussion upsets me. The implied assumption about women upsets me as well. For example:

Single women aren’t the only ones using birth control. Married women use birth control. Birth control is incredibly expensive. Everyone, single or married, likes free things. This includes birth control. And it’s not even free because one has to be able to afford insurance in order to have access to “free” birth control. It’s just that birth control pills are included in insurance premiums now. Those who cannot afford health insurance do not magically get free birth control every month. And what about those who cannot have birth control pills because of other health reasons? The Pill may be covered, but other forms of contraception are not.

Also, men like not having to pay $30 co-pays for birth control, too.

Some married women don’t want to get pregnant or have kids. Some single women want to get pregnant and have kids.

Some women get married, have children, get divorced, and then become single women.

Single women aren’t the only women having abortions. Married women have abortions. Some married women have unwanted pregnancies. Planned Parenthood points out “Women face years and years of reproductive life after they’ve completed their families, and they’re at risk of an unintended pregnancy that can create an economic strain.”

Married women like having access to reproductive health care the same as single women.

Reproductive healthcare is more than just abortions. It's more than birth control. It's cancer screening, pap smears, STD and STI testing and treatment, fertility treatment, just to name a few. 

According to an article by MSNBC, “half of the roughly 1.2 million U.S. women who have abortions each year are 25 or older.”

Just because a woman isn’t married it doesn’t mean she’s single. Some unmarried women live with their partners. Some will get married at some point. Some will not. Not every person who is dating, partnered, or living together will get married.  

Women don’t vote with their vaginas. Saying this statement is as sexist as saying men think with their dicks. Humans think with their brains.

Single women are not “one issue voters” any more than any other voting demographic. To say that single women are one issue voters implies that single women lack depth and critical thinking in their lives. Would this statement be said about any other demographic?

The United Nations recently declared access to birth control a “human right.” 

There hundreds of other reasons why women might vote for Obama, rather than abortions. Saying women voted for Obama because of abortions seems to imply that all women just love to kill babies. 

There are hundreds of reasons why a woman might vote for Romney. Saying that a married woman would vote for Romney because she has a family and is concerned about her children and the future traps women in the sphere of domesticity and fails to see the complexity of women's lives.

I’m sure not every woman who voted for Obama is pro-choice. I’m sure not every woman who voted for Romney is pro-life.

Saying “married women think about the future of their children” implies that single women do not think about the future of their children. It implies that men are not thinking about the future of their children. This implies that women’s main concern is with children, when there are some women who do not even like children.

To say that single women are “one issue voters” and that “married women think about the future of their children” implies that single women need marriage and domesticity to grow and mature as human beings.

Single women care about their households. Married women care about their households. Men care about their households. This is a blanket statement that implies that a woman’s realm is within the home, that the home is a woman’s main concern in her life. This implies that women do not have concerns about other areas of life and society.

Single women care about the future. Most people “care about the future.” Saying that women who voted for Romney “care about the future” implies that women who voted for Obama don’t care about the future. The people who voted for both candidates care about the future. Voting in itself is an expression of “caring about the future.”

Men care about birth control, too. They also care about women’s access to reproductive health care.

But what do I know? I'm just a married woman.

Brave! not Scottish Mulan

I made Steve take me to go see Brave today, and we both liked it well enough. I don't really care for Disney movies anymore. The last one I remember liking was Finding Nemo, I think. Anyway, I wanted to see Brave because the main character, Merida, looked interesting enough, I had no idea what the story was about, and I needed something to do this afternoon.

Brave is not Scottish Mulan, even though she does shoot a bow and arrow and can fight. Actually, I thought the previews didn't reveal much about the story. I had no idea it was a mother/daughter story. What a surprise! A fairy tale where the mom wasn't dead or evil! 

While the plot revolves hugely around the institution of marriage like many Disney films, it didn't bother me. Too much. When she says she wants to follow her heart, her male suitors say the same! "But we didn't choose her, either!"

And while we're on the subject, check out my author friend's blog! Her review of Brave is much nicer than mine, but then again, she's much more likeable than I am!